PHilOPHOBiA

"A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love" -Henri B. Stendhal

This is one of my favorite quotes that I absolutely love. I'm a person that believes in hope and that's what keeps my life going. The only problem is that I'm afraid of love. I've always had a problem with showing my emotions to people that I "like" or don't know when I actually start feeling something. It's hard to explain, I just have a hard time letting someone know that they are special.....and I hate that because a lot of opportunities slip right by....something like that happened recently and now well lets just say its too late.

But I think there was hope for something to be born but like always I blew it.....

I'm sure it happened for a reason......it always does.

learning a little history [progressivism]

Why is that when we see something we right away want it? We always want something we can't have but then when we FINALLY get it we get tired of it. You gotta admit this happens to everybody, we're human so its okay. or is it? Is it okay to justify the way we are or the things we do just because we're human and we make mistakes? To me that just sounds like an excuse to keep on doing bad things in this life. Today in Ms. Sanders history class we researched some famous muckrakers. You know the journalists from the 20th century that pulled out all the dirt and injustices that were going on during that time period. Well anyways whats so interesting about the progressive era for me is how hard people worked to change society. All the things they did like the pullman strike of 1894 and how Eugene V. Debs actually helped out the railroad workers and went to prison not caring because he was doing a good cause and standing up for what he believed in and thought was fair. I don't know I just think learning about the progressive era is interesting since its still happening in the present day. I'm not really a politics type of girl but some things are interesting and worth debating over. Ever since i placed foot in Ms. Sanders' classroom I once again started to enjoy history class because I like the way she teaches it and we have classroom discussions and we all participate well most do anyway. Oh yeah and one last thing, be sure of what you want to get because once you have it you might not want it anymore...

I tend to go off topic a lot so just giving a heads up! :DD

A tiME i fElt i WAS iN A CAGE....

A time I felt like I was in a cage was when I was very sick and it felt like I was never going to leave the hospital and felt that the pain would never go away. As a result to this I fell into a depression and didn't want to go outside, I didn't want to go to school, I didn't want anybody to see me. I would spend my day laying on a bed. Then I started to read books, but I still wasn't going outside or going to school. I was getting more interested in books that I actually asked my mom to take me to the bookstore and right away she did. After that every time she needed to go to wal-mart she begged me to go with her saying that the fresh air would do me good. She told me that I could ride the little cars people use when they're handicapped. As I noticed that it was "okay" to actually go outside and people wouldn't laugh at me, I decided to go to the store or just outside as many times I could. 

LEUKEMIA

How long is this disease going to rule my life?

When are the unexpected pains going to go away?

I ask myself these questions everyday. 

And everyday I have the same answer. 

Having Leukemia changes your life completely and its something you don't know if it'll ever go away.

Leukemia ruined my life, it made all of my hair fall off 

There was only one person who I blames; God. 

I would be in a hospital bed for several weeks and ask God; "What did I do to deserve this?"

As time passed by and I would see all the little children in the hospital going through something worse than me, I started to realize 

I realized these kids are fighting a battle much worse than me so why can't I? 

All the times I felt like I was going to die soon went away

I then started to thank god everyday for keeping me alive 

Now I know that whatever God has planned for me is only to make me stronger.

If I could relive my life over I would go through that battle all over again. 

Multi-tasker!

This year has been HECTIC!
But i love it that way!
I've joined every possible club in the school.....well no except the debate team/club.
I've also volunteered at the zoo!
the clubs I'm in include; poetry :0, G.I.A., F.O.C.U.S, and Newspaper Club :D
My plate is pretty much full but when it gets full i always go get a bigger plate.
I promised myself this year was going to be different and that i was going to get more involved with people and thats exactly what i'm doing.
I love that i've only been absent 2 or 3 times compared to most of the year last year.
I know the there's more to come so I'll be waiting for all of the opportunities!!

Response to "Freedom Writers"

Freshman Year (1994)

The first year of the freedom writers talks about the undeclared war and a lot of revenge. The undeclared war is a war between color and race. Kids from Long Beach, California have a lot of issues involving race. Blacks, Whites, Asians, and Hispanics can't get along with one another because thats what they grew up learning. What they start to realize with Ms. Gruwell teaching them, is that they actually could get along if it weren't for the race issues. Since there's different gangs and its absolutely forbidden to talk to an Asian if you're a Hispanic, kids get into fights all the time and if one of their friends dies the other members of the gang seek revenge even if it was their own fault.